Saturday, April 25, 2009

Uncertainties in life

You might know the feeling of waiting to know about something, something so crucial that it keeps on playing at the back of your mind. Something really bothered me.
Back in October 2008 I went for a blood test and the result showed an abnormal reading for a certain hormone. Upon finding out from a family friend who is a doctor, her eyes just turned wide open. Apparently if is consistenly abnormal, there could be a reason to it - a small tumour in the pituitary gland or otherwise known as pituitary adenoma.

Before I could react further, she pacified me by saying that it is usually not serious, but it might have an affect on having children later on. That was probably the scariest thing I've heard so far. I mean, I love babies and kids. What if I can't have children of my own? My own biological children... I'd have to be on medication for, oh I dunno, a long long time. All these thoughts just flew by when I heard what the tumour can do.

So I was advised to wait for another month and to do another blood test, just to see if the reading is still abnormal. I was also told that sometimes, it may be due to stress, the reading may be higher than normal and probably there's nothing to be worried at all. But my reading was almost double than normal.

Only I didn't do repeat the test a month later. I waited, but didn't know for what. Maybe I couldn't take the reality of having problems of getting pregnant and having children. Not that I plan to right now, heck I'm not even married. But I want to, in the future. So many what-if questions kept pacing my mind.

Not taking that test was probably my way of avoiding of the probable chance that I may have the tumour. A tumour in my head. Crap. Though it's not life threatening, but.. it's there!

I kept delaying. I delayed for about 5 months then I told myself I'd have to find out sooner or later. I didn't know what to expect, or how to prepare myself. Yes the tumour can eventually disappear if I keep taking medication. But still..

And so I finally went....

In the meantime, I had knitted a pair of baby booties for my friend who, at that time, had just given birth to a beautiful baby girl. I just love how it turned out. So girly. The yellow flowers just made it even more girly.

When I actually got the call that all was fine for my blood test, it was a mixture of feelings of relief and thankful that I am in fact.. healthy =) I'm just grateful for that. So it was because of the stress? I don't know, maybe it was.

But right now, I'm just thankful to God.
Thankful that I'm healthy.
Thankful that I can still have children in the future.
Thankful that I still have a job and wake up everyday and go to work.
Thankful that I have people who care about me.

So much has happened since I last blogged. I'll hopefully update again, soon.

If you read this, leave a comment, so I'll know people are still reading this blog. Thanks!

Take care everyone!


At April 27, 2009 9:44 AM, Blogger Sally said...

Yes, I'm still here! and awfully glad your tests came out ok, thank God! Am sure you've been advised to have regular tests in future, so do go ya? xxx

At April 27, 2009 10:08 PM, Blogger Mira said...

Thanks Sally =) Yeah blood tests should be done annually. I'd probably have to make sure I'm in total 'zen' mode before going for one, to avoid any abnormal readings! hehe..


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